| Hmmmm... The beginning is not bad, but unfortunately your style would need a little improvement. Not that much, I assure you, you'll just need to describe the emotions felt by the characters a bit more. You write their actions in chain, but never take the time to set the scene. Moreover, beware of repetitions, it 's a hindrance for the flow. I hope you wont be ofended by my review, I only mean to help, and the plot seems to be original... So please, update soon!! Dewa mata
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