No offencie... but is this ur first story... were you in a rush..... or are you plain out bad.... well to tell you the truth i expected more out of this story... it had no story line what so ever... and overall i think this one just sucked.... you could have made it alot better if you would have slowed it down and put it in to details... and the lemons... the are supposed to make you sit on the edge of your seat and make you want more... shoot some has even made me read them 3or4 times... i'm gonna go right out there and say this was a waste of internet meremy... horable.... i could have been more flamein but i didn;t know if you said no flameing or no... well anyways ty for a bad story

work on ur spelling and use quotation marks. don't rush the story, otherwise it was ok.

i like the basic plot for your story but your writing sucks, not only the spelling, but the form- the way it is put together. I am not trying to be a mean bitch or anything but you should work on your writing style-like have more of the interactions from one of their point of view instead of narration.

I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters? Or can you write a sequel to this story please?